Learning Curves

003:

Did you have a good Tuesday? I did. It was a roller coaster of emotions but here I am at the end of the day writing this blog. I like that I have something to come back to every night. It's helping me feel grounded.

I got to see so many of my favorite people. I didn't get to grab shots of all of them because I'm still getting use to this whole taking your camera with you thing. Mostly I took pictures when I was hanging out in Kyle's office in between appointments. 

But geez, talk about learning curves. I realized how loved I am and that made me walk a little taller. Finally had a conversation one of my closest friends that I was dreading and I was met with so much grace that I cried on the way home just because my heart was so full. 

I have these moments when I write something and when I read them again I'm like woah....I did that. It's hard for me to even admit that, but I'm trying to get better about realizing that I, too, am awesome. Just like the people around me that I admire so much, I too, am capable of influence. I, too, am valuable. I, too, deserve to be myself. 

I've shared this before but I wanted to post it here because it really felt true today. I don't write often enough but like I said in 001, we're about to change that.


I often think, could it be that destiny himself is weaving the occurrences of my life? It surely is not my doing alone. My fear is that I should miss my date with fate - all because my eyes were closed when she came along.

In facing this fear lies the only certainty that truly grants serenity in our lives. Certainty of the essence of self.

There are 2 ‘selfs’. Perhaps others find that there are more than 2, but I see 2.

That ‘self’ which is a painted proclamation of false reflection. The attempt of earning love by being that which is not our true self. Sure there is real ‘self’ sprinkled in, but for lack of a better term, we’ll call it the ‘people-pleasing self’.

This self is a sly devil, isn’t he? He comes with ease and no warning. So much so, that the majority of us fail to notice his arrival until he’s kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable. But knowing that he will over welcome his stay, why do we allow him in time and time again?

Is it because our desire to give to others that which brings them joy is so powerful, that we readily trade dignity for acceptance? Self dignity meaning dignity for ones SELF.

To this I say, yes! We act in a way of such disregard to the self. We do this so-much-so that it’s almost as if we are telling ourselves, the act, although tarnishing to the soul, has no impact at all.

We tolerate. We lie. We act is opposition of our calling. As if there there is no weight to our falseness.

It is this truth that frightens me the most. The truth of our falseness. The lack of consideration of the SOUL.

And so - in grievance of such occurrences, let us approach the true self. A being so supreme, yet so underrated. Consider this: When was the last time you asked yourself with curiosity and respect: Who am I?

& When you answered that question, did you allow the only force that can speak the truth to answer?

For your mind is polluted with the false-self.

And so, it is only the soul that can be truthful in it’s answer.


sarah zubair2 Comments